~ Pop Culture Jokes ~

Ok, so some of these are corny. . .but hey, I like them.
And like Bette Midler once said, "Fuck em' if they can't take a joke."

Thought For The Day: Life is wonderful. Without it we'd all be dead!

Click here for The "Perfect" Joke

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was Mypenis?
  • Mypenis ate my homework.
  • Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.
  • I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.
  • I love giving Mypenis a bath.
  • Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
  • Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.
  • Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
  • Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
  • I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
  • Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
  • Mypenis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.
  • Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.
  • Help! I can't find Mypenis!
  • Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.
  • Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.
  • Sorry to be driving so fast, officer - I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.
  • Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!
  • I think Mypenis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.

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    What did the banana say to the vibrator?
    "What are you shaking for? She's gonna eat me."

    He's so stupid. . .he tried to put his M&Ms in alphabetical order.

    Customer: Bacon and eggs waiter, the eggs not too hard and the bacon rather crisp. Buttered toast without too much butter, and iced tea without too much tea and two ice cubes.
    Waiter: Yes, sir. Is there any special design you would like on the dishes?

    Attorney: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
    Witness: I will be three months on November 8th.
    Attorney: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8th.
    Witness: Yes.
    Attorney: What were you and your husband doing at the time?

    Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
    Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
    Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

    Guy: "haven't I seen you someplace before?"
    Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Pick-Up Lines

    Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

    Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.

    You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

    Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night long.

    I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
    I think he went into this cheap motel room.

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.

    Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

    Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

    That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

    You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb.

    Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.

    If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the noon.

    Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

    Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.

    I look good on you.

    I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

    Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

    I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

    Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

    Are your legs must be tired, 'cause you've been running through my mind all day long.

    Hey baby, I'm like American Express, don't leave home without me.

    ;) Study the following inorder to become a vessel of smart-ass comments.

    "I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

    "Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you."

    "Lead me not into temptation. . .I can find it myself."

    "You have the right to your own opinions. I just don't want to hear them."

    "Stop talking, I'm out of aspirin."

    "Complaints about my driving?. . .Call 1-800-BITE-ME"

    "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."

    "A day without sunshine is like -- ya know. . .night."

    "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

    "I'm not deaf. . .I'm ignoring you."